formspring.me/autumnsays

I took this survey July 17 and again September 15/16. 2009

Now July 19, 2010

Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?

uhh..i love you. (:

yep.

I agree with them.

Do you like your cell phone? Or do you wish you had a new one?

i'm looking forward to the new one i'm getting?

my cell phone is fine.

Obviously not high maintenance bc I’m still good.

Do you prefer to call or text?

um, calls.

yes.

Yass. I really only prefer txts if I wanna hear from you all damn day lol.

Does it piss you off that stupid sixth graders think they're in love?

i was not aware of this nor do i care..lol

why should i care?

this is STILL a really weird question.

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

do you mean pull? lol..i like when my sister does my hair.

(:

Yeah I do. But wash your hands because I’m all types of particular about my hair care.

When was the last time you completely broke down?

3..4 days ago?

day before school? sometime before school.

May.

Anything you're looking forward to?

saturday?

my audition and the fuckshitting weekend and anything janet lol.

Trying to figure out what that audition thing was, maybe for chamber ensemble?  But looking forward to reading The Interpretation of Dreams! & To find out my plans for Thursday.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?

i used to be, but i couldn't.

i'm thinking of going vegan when i'm 20.

Wow I am nuts lol.  One day I will probably join a cult of Prince worshippers and be vegan as a result.  So, yes.

When you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?

lol, nope. but they would be freakin gorgeous! (=

nooo. ugh, that was true.

Those were both definitely about Gerald. But to answer the question, I like HIM and we already have 2 beautiful kids.

Who was the last person you texted?

marcus.

this annoying automatic thingie.

HEE-JIN ALYSA KIM I LOVE YOU SWEET THANG

What was the highlight of your day?

bringing the day in (=

when mr. cotter smiled at mee.

Oh mr. cotter.  But probably getting my check and receiving random messages from he who makes me smile and skeet.

What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

love & basketball? the best man!

and monster-in-law, and other cheesy shit.

Yeah that sums it all up pretty well.

Who do you have texts from in your inbox?

oh lord; marcus, gerald, danielle, kayla, cazre, bubby, kota, ref, greg, katya, dee (=, mommy, some random guy named dave, jamie, will, & alle baba

oh lord. jamie, kayla, danielle, bubby, shaneekwa, davion, mama, rolo, dee, seon, kota, lu alerts (=, toya, devante. mind you i dont txt, so they all old as shit

ew katya. ew REF! ew DAVION! omggg ew lol but um:  bam, seon, cazre, steve, liz, dee, gregorium, demetria, coot, glen coco, gianya, twitair, rico suave, self, best friend joe, nosebleed mcgee, rachel, sprint, alle baba, gerald, jared the fatty, rolo, mama, and big bertha

Are you one of those twilight crazy people?

the books are not worth the hoopla.

no thanks.

nope

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?

uh...as long as i'm living, i'm fine. (:

yep. living & healthy.

Wow I’ve had that philosophy for a while now

Last person you told a secret?

gerald doesn't let me have secrets.

damn it sounded like he owned me. sheesh but yeah i still don't have secrets.

ditto. I always confide in someone rather quickly.

Who was the last person you were in a car with?

siSTAR & mama.

yep [:

pops

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?

um, you look at the phone & say nigga please!

it's a bad time. lol it's alwaaaays a bad time nugga!

hay

Red Bull?

nah.

nah?

I guess

Is there someone you'd really like to just hang out with and talk about stuff?

emmm?

taylor! and steve? yeah steve too.

aw I still feel the same. but right now, big bertha because she is going to korea for the rest of ever ): also gregorium, alle baba, cazre, all my friends?

Think back to June 2007, were you single?

hmmm..nope.

....

I’m glad I remembered the first time around bc I sure don’t now.

Do you want to get married and have children one day?

[:

child(ren) definitely. marriage: if it's for me, yes.

ditto

Could you cry right now?

nah.

i'm sure if i forced myself

I don’t think so. Not unless a monster came into my room

Will you be single over summer?

no.

oh summer how i miss you so. not really, just....ahhh.

lol no (:

Do you hope your children are like you one day?

no! lmao. kinda.

haha yes & no. i want them to grow up fast like i did, but love their childhood like i never really could, for as long as i should have anyways.

Well that explains why I’m still holding on to childhood, doesn’t it. And I rather they have different personalities but the same logic.  Why would you want the same contribution to society two generations in a row?

Have you ever dropped your cell phone in water?

not this one, my last one.

Lalalalala

at some point yes

Would you be surprised if you parents had another baby together?

hell yes.

mmhm.

HAHA I seriously wouldn’t think it was my pops. Or my mama’s lol.  But if we’re speaking biological parents, hell yes.

Has 2009 been good for you so far?

it's been a learning experience.

so-so

2010 has been rocky, thanks for asking

Your sister tells you she's in jail, what do you say?

it's because of nicholas isn't it.

same thing

HA yeah.

Someone leaves a note and flowers on your car, cute or tacky?

i don't own a car. d:

rawr rawr rawr

still a bum

Would you ever date someone who was conceited?

hell no.

no thank you

not exactly.

Are you currently reading a book?

yes. a couple thousand.

no )':

YES and no wonder I was miserable at that time

Would you cry if you found out one of your friends were pregnant?

no...

maybe, because of being so emotional.

If she told me face to face.

Today, would you rather go forward a week or back a week?

forward?

yeah probably forward.

Forward!

Your best friend randomly starts hating you. What do you do?

say i never knew you could be so dumb.

word.

heck yes. and tell greg on them.

Would you ever go on a game show if you were offered?

no i'd be scared as shit!

yes! lol idk why i'd be scared

yes! monay!

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking weed?

haha, yes.

watch me!

still walkin strong

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?

work.

*checks for heartbeat

yeah it's still inside of me.

lol I was a funny lad. he’s home.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?

idk maybe.

maybe?

Isn’t that just the way things go?

Do you laugh a lot?

yes people tell me that a lot.

yes but it's quiet actually.

YEAH, love to

Who are you spending your summer with this year?

people.

most likely mr. clark lol.

that didn’t happen ): but books, my laptop, music, people I love & vice versa, and movies and tyra. hoorah!

Do you believe in karma?

yes..

yes still.

fate.

Did you have a good birthday this year?

uhhhh

last year was so joyful

my sweet 16 was soooo much better than yours, fareals.

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?

do you mean is a hoe trying to creep on my man? yes.

hell yes!

HA duh, how can you not?  And nobody was checkin for gerald, lol.

Are you a boy or a girl?

lmao, fem.

*checks for weiner

girl!

i’m a season..

Last time you held a baby?

a week & some change ago.

sunday.....same baby lol

aw she’s 1 years old now (= but last time I held a baby was my niece on saturday and she’s a newborn.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

bloomingdales i think.

gap. 2 for $10 tanks wooot!

not sure if I’m wearing a shirt.

Are you a jealous person?

no, possessive of what is mine.

i get very greedy about my friends, yes.

I agree with female number 1.

Is there anything that you are craving right now?

yes (:

ice cream that i have not opened.

a nice sleep and he.

Do you like being kissed spontaneously or asked?

hahaha spontaneity.

yes

yass you better work!

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?

errrrm yes

people kept telling me to go to the nurse & the nurse was rude and mean.

I haven’t seen the people I’d like to, and one of them is now in cali. Another is in korea. & I know the reasons I haven’t seen people are my fault.

Enjoyed?

I Feel Like I'm There

When I watch these videos.

I Feel Like I'm Stupid
When I see my SAT Subject Test scores.

So this week, I

completed 11th grade!  Senior wahoot!  Privileges allow me to see yallsss shady behinds less and less!  Wahoots!
got a boyfran.
cried every time i looked at my formspring because yall don't want to know anything about me /:
found a new reliable confidant in an old friend.
cried about Blue to he.^
was completely flattered.
stuck it to the man!...as Alle Baba said.  Well really I just wrote a thought-out critique of my english teacher for teacher evaluations.
felt way uninspired computerly, as shown by my lack of passionate blogs.  Hopefully summer will mean time for that. /:
scheduled visits to Howard & Georgetown!  Yes!


Goodnight.

Gibby is way worse than a dead fish!

So i keep getting to a point in my head where i'm 5 flickers of my thumb away from calling my ex. So i decided blogging would be a less resentful use of my time. Who misses my lists? Oh right, no one. Because no one reads my blog.
1. You go glen coco to the holocaust museum in being ridiculously successful in exhausting 100% of its visitors. You go, glen coco!
2. I'm sorry for not actually blogging and just giving formspring fillers. I'm coming to terms with my current position of a footstep away from isolated depression. This is the third time in 6 years and I really hope i grow out of this recurring theme and dont have to go through it the rest of my life.
3. Forgiving is so difficult. Its the one trait i wish i could have from conservative christians. But then, i dont even like relationships like that so im way to lazy to fully forgive. I rather X you out of my life for good. But who is going to birth my children then. Stop fucking up my plan & vision, Blue. I'm the only thing you will ever need humping your peen. Every time i'm hostile towards you, i cant stop thinking of it and thinking longer than 5 seconds starts the faucet.
4. You ain't gots to lie, Craig.
5. I have a new boyfriend named Snow Days.
6. I'm representin Queens, she was raised out in Brooklyn. & Doin it & doin it & doin it well. Idk why i connect to raunchy songs like that, but yaaaaaaaas.
7. There's a meeting in my bedroom by silk. Nobody by keith sweat. Tell me do u wanna by ginuwine. Say it by t-pain. Sorry, i really had to.
8. I love male voices. I'm pretty much having masculine vocal withdrawals. No onee ever calls me anymore and i'd spend less time crying over skanks humping Blue's peen and crying while music sexing to sweet love songs that i feel are hopeless & will never happen to me if someone did. Mind you this happened over a month ago.
9. I really like Blue. Like aside from loving him, i miss him because i appreciated his presence & conversation a lot. But thinking of him now makes me cry. When i talk to him he makes me so happy and then the thought of the humpage lingers and i lash out. I just don't have anyone else to blame this on, sorry Blue.
10. I highly recommend watching True Life: I'm Happy to Be Fat. As long as you aren't homophobic, in which case this is so not the blog for you.
Toodles

When I was 15,

I got my first Victoria's Secret bra.

I started to blog regularly.

I made friends on the interweb.

I got on honor roll for the first time in high school.

I got my first C.

I became comfortable. [:

I did not drink alcohol.

I fell in and out of love.

I learned everything else about HTML codes.

I became obsessed with finding unknown artists.

I got 4 followers.  (:

I tried the vertical 69.

I got to know my hair completely.

I began having headaches from sex deprivation.

I controlled my addictions.
I made my sister my responsibility.
I found a mother in Danielle.
I began having 100% healthy relationships.
I always wanted to be held.
I'm not 15 anymore.

Last Week of Q.1

Pray for your favorite blogger & wish her good luck. (:

So, did you see last Sunday's Desperate Housewives?  Bomb!  But ewwww did you see when Katherine was raising her hand to volunteer for night watch, that disgusting abnormal elbow!
I can't find a picture.
Anywhom (you would not believe what I almost said by accident.  I itch when people's tendencies start growing into me.), you should watch it.  It's kinda weird how Edie is still in that picture, but she's dead.  blech
I can't wait to watch tonight's which I watch on the west coast channel at midnight. Or the next morting since I'm a sleepy head & drift off.  & Then wake up...quite annoying.  I can't sleep normal for shit.

Gabby:  Someone isn't getting blanked tonight!
Carlos:  Fine by me, I blanked off earlier.

Hahahahahaha

"Nigga, where the fuck is yo stache?"

-Deon Cole

American Literature:  This class is a complete shithole.  I can’t think of another way to describe it.  I really wish I was the other half of my grade, and had my English teacher from last year.  Oh how I miss her.  We have readings every night, and we have a quiz every day on the reading from the previous night.  This would be swell if the readings weren’t history theories.  We used to get readings like these in history just about once every other week last year.  And we would talk about them before displaying analyses on our own for a grade. These damn quizzes are hard.  He gives out 2 different ones to the class, and sometimes there’s an easy one and a hard one, but most of the time they are all hard.  It’s just very annoying.

The biggest shitful component of the class is the way my teacher teaches.  He has the most boring monotone voice you could ever ever ever imagine…you definitely have to get some naptime or something in before his class because you’ll just fall asleep otherwise.  Idk why he’s still at the school honestly…he clearly does not enjoy any of the 11^th grade classes, and we clearly don’t enjoy his class.  None of us, even the ones ahem not doing so shitty a majority of the time.  But I actually have a C now.  I just want to conquer this bitch.

Oh wanna know some funny things?  He expects us to take notes & look at him AND the board all at the same time.  I’m not exaggerating lol.  He really tells us that…we need to be looking up and down, at the board & him, all while we’re taking notes.  He is ridiculous.  He fuh-lips whenever we’re not taking notes.  This man told us to write down what a simile & a metaphor are.

-Autumn, are you joking?

Why no, blog, hell to the no I’m not.  He’s just that ridiculous.  But he does supply good conversation for me with Isaias, who I am re-becoming friends with.  (=  & Jokes with just about everyone else.

& Yes all I can think about is the poking, but not in the way you think.  )’:

I still like hickies more than hicks.

But it's a close call.
We should talk about classes...later. (:
Me so HORNY!  I feel so useless & empty as far as sex.

Okay now the entertainment.

"Milk Dee's gon-na pull the skirt...

I gets money, money I got.  Stunts call me honey if they feel real hot.”  Hell yes I know all the words.  Want more?

Anyways, how the hell can somebody go from salutatorian of their middle school graduating class, but then attend a college prep private high school and start getting Ds?  I mean…yeah it takes a while to realize you’re gonna have to put effort in, instead of just being like “Bam!  As, just because I’m smart.” Lol no.  At our school, effort is necessary for just decent grades…but if you graduated the damn salutatorian, you should be smart enough to recognize that you have to adjust to this new level and shit.  Ugh.  She makes me so mad, because she’s choosing to get them Ds.

Bet Your Bottom Dollar, I Saw

The Cleveland Show & the new Family Guy & American Dad!

Once upon a time…

Anyways, today in my Service:  Hospice & Healthcare class, I wrote something I’d like to share with the class (: well kinda.  We talk a lot about our feelings in there and my teacher told us to write about our perfect day (because some families try to recreate that for whomever is dying).  Everyone else’s perfect day was either a list or a paragraph with like 8 sentences at the most.  But after teacher said that she wasn’t collecting it, I decided to go all out with mine & not hold back…also not giving a shit about grammar or structure.  I finished like 5 minutes ago, but in class I had more than half the page filled.  I just wrote while everybody was talking about the movie we watched, Tuesdays with Morrie…I recommend it, if you like deep movies that fulfill you in the odd indirect way.

Ummm in case you were hungry for some deep-y shit, let’s share with the class some of my favorite quotes from the movay:  “We must love one another, or die.” and “Death ends a life, not a relationship.”  & The last one makes me especially happy.

I would begin my perfect day waking up from a sleep of 15 hours (I’ve done more).  My phone’s batteries would have a full life(lives) and my iPod would be charged as well.  Ummm, don’t judge me, full batteries make me happy!  I’d go to an 11am brunch with my friend, Blahblahblah, and we’d get a huge meal to share.  We’d walk back to our apartment and talk & crack jokes about people we were passing.  (Have you tried doing that in Manhattan?  It will brighten up your day so much and it is the best fun ever.)  When we’d get back home, we would mess around a little and then just lay around, maybe I’d watch tv or my favoritest people on YouTube.  After a while, I would head back out and go to an arcade with my friend, Ladeedaa…preferably Chuck E. Cheese.  We would eat pizza after I crushed his ass in games and got useless trinkets with my tickets, and later I’d go back home to Blahblahblah.  But when I would open the door, he’d devour me & give me his body, promisingly.  After taking a shower, I’d write some people letters…people who have grown to have a special piece of my heart.  Maybe I would call some distant family members or have a video chat thing with someone.  I would go out when it got late, and me and Blahblahblah would go to gay nightclubs and what-have-you.  I’d buy him some drinks and have sips (of his) to see what they taste like.  After getting tipsy-ish, we’d walk somewhere (IHOP) for breakfast while giggling in a drunk fashion and then home, to fall asleep on each other, half dressed (or fully dressed in partay clothes).

My Perfect Day

Have you heard? Obama is asking moms to return to school.

Now, to relevant things.

I forever loved this song, filarious shit.

Blah blah blah, let's talk about my slow ass dumb-people classes.

Chemistry I Honors-Okay so it's not dumb or anything but shit me if it's not hard. It's okay though, with all the extra credit and shat, I should do as well as I wanna. My teacher is so fantastic, she’s always telling us about her life and stuff and she’s a lunatic. She teaches hard shit really well and she uses analogies that MAKE SENSE and can actually help you understand the real poop. & She relates to use and recognizes that some things are difficult and takes that all into consideration, even though she’s been studying this stuff for over 40 years. She’s like a little over middle aged and she’s so much fun…kind of admirable, and she has her PhD and stuff. Her class is always a lot of fun and then I have her twice a week for neuroscience too, and that crap is dense as shit and she makes it easy peasy. She tells us to call her by her first name…and she’s actually best friends with my history teacher, who is my bff. OH and the fantasticnessness never ends: she always has fruit in her class and when we meet in the mortings she has hot chocolate for us. She makes my stress level disappear. I talked to her last year about biopsychology and college and stuff, and then she organized the whole Women in Engineering trip that I was chosen to go to (because of those bomb ass science grades beeeetch), so I was semi-familiar with her and her awesomeness before this, but having her as a teacher is so much more jizzful…I didn’t think that would occur though, because she used to just teach the more advanced chemistry classes (II & III & AP) and bio-nutrition and I was not planning on taking those. But now that we only have one concentrated chem teacher, she teaches all the chem classes so that’s a huge YAAAAAY for everyone taking chem this year. Everybody who had Ms. Chong last year: you were dumb for not taking bio. End of story.

HAVE YOU HEARD Demi Lovato’s Every Time You Lie! Fantastic, just like her voice. I feel like if there was a modern-day Jackson 5, they would sing songs like that & that’s the first thing I thought of when I heard it. Listeeeeen!

Ain't nothin to a pimp girl, play with ya G...spot.

So I have shat to do & thangs so I’ll finish my classes and everything else later. I just felt like I was being neglectful.

boys too.

I don’t understand or like how us girls hide our feelings all the time.  I mean, it only hurts you in the end, so why would you do that unless it gives you joy or something?  I hide mine too.  But I really do wish I could make myself stop.  I’ll try my hardest tomorrow to remember my REAL feelings and emotions during my school day.  That’s the only place where I hide what I’m actually going through.  Except for when Gerald was shot…then, I needed a few hugs even during school.  But I don’t do it on purpose.  I mean I wish I could show “me.”  But as soon as I start talking to my acquaintances there, I think I feel pressure to be Autumn who does all her homework, studies, and is happy and confident through all the shit she can live to talk about today and also through the hate she goes through currently.  Therefore, subconsciously, the real me gets pushed deep away, I laugh a whole lot, and I have to put on the act.  And then on the drive home, I’m smacked with reality and I get upset again and resort to my addictions.  I need to balance the extreme fakeness with some extreme reality through blogging my true thoughts.  I really do want to stop.  I don’t even like the Autumn that people expect of me.  I like me.  They should know me.  I shouldn’t have to cry out on blogs bc I hide the way I am all day.  I should cry in school.  I’m going to cry in school.

 

…I wonder if the tone of my blogs depends on what font I type them in…

Just gross dogg.

Okay so I just looked up “da da doo” on urbandictionary love that shit woot but the grossest shit came up really.

I was looking it up bc you know in I think it’s Mrs. Carter well in Wayne’s verse he says “now all my bloods scream su woo n da da doo” yeah well I know what su woo(p) is bc i’m just well-educated in bloods god I have fucked with some hood rats but I’ve never heard of “da da doo” but according to my research, it’s not anything anyway.  d:

Anyway, the definition was like soo gross for a “slippery doo da” I think it was called and like yuck even if that is animals doing that, that is disgusting.  And I don’t even find dissecting a lamprey or the way female spiders eat their mate if they don’t get to steppin as disgusting as what was described in that definition.

And i think it's hilarious that weed is defined most popularly as 

God's gift to the world. Brings peace when used wisely.

I'd rather keep all the brain cells i have though; thanks for the offer.

…Is it weird that when I say “research” I sincerely mean anything from eye surgery to new music artists to viral defenses for my biology essay?  Well, I think learning is learning and I’m well rounded so I’m constantly looking up shit.  In illegitimate and legitimate sources.

Grrr I got a b- (supposedly) on my history WWI essay that I worked SOOOO FUCKKING HARD ON but my teacher also told me that my description for my assigned person who lived through the depression was like phenomenal and she was impressed.  And like…that was an in-class assignment which I DO NOT take seriously I mean really while writing the damn thing, I was reading this book about Ronald reagan’s presidential term AND playing with this cool adhesive; both of which I had found in her room which is like the coolest place ever for an American-history nerd.  d=  Which I have become, because her class is so dang interesting.  I really love it, but I suck in the papers we write.  Urghhh like I really put some effort into those test essays (it was made of 4 essay questions) and I got a fucking b-.  She likes me too.  She always wants me to do better and wants to meet with me to bring my grade up on stuff.  But like, im tired of doing that.  Sometimes I really don’t understand what im doing wrong and I just wish I did bc I’m really passionate about the subject and I’d like it to show in my grades.  I’ve gotten 2 bs and a b- in her class.  We’ll see how this quarter goes?

A buncha kids in my grade who are on the same bus were absent today.  I mean we did have a bio test but it was easy it was like a quiz of Discovery channel documentaries.  d=  I betcha they got swine flu n school's gonna be closed in my whole county tomorrow.  hahahaha!