On Respect and Ignorance

I was watching one of my favorite shows, World News with Diane Sawyer, and there was a segment about a protest group from a church that was going around doing their protest dance.  Apparently, the group had been to military funerals and other places where they chanted and held picket signs that said things like “Thank God for Dead Soldiers,” “God Hates Obama,” and “The Anti-Christ” with a picture of Obama’s big lovely face on it.  You can read about the jolly group here.

Before I dive directly into my feelings about the happenings, let me give you a little background on my encounters with Sir Bearer of the Best News, Death.  When I was 10 years old, my grandmother died and she had always been an essential presence in my life.  There probably was some favoritism in our relationship because I was her first grandchild, but still.  She made me feel like I could do no wrong and I was the most important person in her life.  That was the first time I’d personally experienced the grief of a death and when I tell you that dealing with the situation over the years has been harder than you could ever imagine, please understand.  In summary, I am very sensitive about the topic of death…as I am about many things.

When someone dies, especially when you don’t know the person, I feel that you have to be extremely thoughtful and sensitive when dealing with the topic.  Whether you are comforting a friend or simply walking past a funeral, you just have to be most considerate.  You don’t know how meaningful that person’s life was even in relation to your own, and life itself is precious.  If you didn’t believe so, you wouldn’t allow yourself to live to read this right now.  How people can protest at such a special commemoration is far beyond me.  What gives you the right to chant your beliefs and completely disrespect a final gathering in honor of a complete stranger’s life?  The first amendment is likely to be a part of the group’s defense, but they could always fall back on their immeasurable stock of arrogance.  If we are idolizing Christ and trying to be Christ-like here, shouldn’t we be selfless and most understanding?  Why are we instead demeaning someone’s life and what she or he chose to dedicate her or his life to?  And even to live somewhat harmoniously in our world, shouldn’t we spend more time accommodating and less time attacking foreign beliefs and something as precious as life?  And who made this group and all of their comrades in accordance the committee of declaring who is Christ-like?  I was in utter shock when I watched the segment.  I felt like it was a ridiculous thing to show on the news, but I realized that the real ridiculous thing is the occurrence itself.

I feel that being this ignorant and close-minded is comparable to walking through life blindfolded and wearing sound-proof headphones.  And if this particular incident seems irrelevant, we must all remember that intelligence will only take us so far.  The global problems of today’s world stem from ignorance and we are all at risk of becoming ignorant in some way because we all have opinions.  It is important to recognize right from wrong, but possibly even more important to be familiar with other views and learn to settle into a common ground that will satisfy us all.

formspring.me/autumnsays

I took this survey July 17 and again September 15/16. 2009

Now July 19, 2010

Which would be more meaningful to you: I love you a lot, I love you so much?

uhh..i love you. (:

yep.

I agree with them.

Do you like your cell phone? Or do you wish you had a new one?

i'm looking forward to the new one i'm getting?

my cell phone is fine.

Obviously not high maintenance bc I’m still good.

Do you prefer to call or text?

um, calls.

yes.

Yass. I really only prefer txts if I wanna hear from you all damn day lol.

Does it piss you off that stupid sixth graders think they're in love?

i was not aware of this nor do i care..lol

why should i care?

this is STILL a really weird question.

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

do you mean pull? lol..i like when my sister does my hair.

(:

Yeah I do. But wash your hands because I’m all types of particular about my hair care.

When was the last time you completely broke down?

3..4 days ago?

day before school? sometime before school.

May.

Anything you're looking forward to?

saturday?

my audition and the fuckshitting weekend and anything janet lol.

Trying to figure out what that audition thing was, maybe for chamber ensemble?  But looking forward to reading The Interpretation of Dreams! & To find out my plans for Thursday.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian?

i used to be, but i couldn't.

i'm thinking of going vegan when i'm 20.

Wow I am nuts lol.  One day I will probably join a cult of Prince worshippers and be vegan as a result.  So, yes.

When you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like?

lol, nope. but they would be freakin gorgeous! (=

nooo. ugh, that was true.

Those were both definitely about Gerald. But to answer the question, I like HIM and we already have 2 beautiful kids.

Who was the last person you texted?

marcus.

this annoying automatic thingie.

HEE-JIN ALYSA KIM I LOVE YOU SWEET THANG

What was the highlight of your day?

bringing the day in (=

when mr. cotter smiled at mee.

Oh mr. cotter.  But probably getting my check and receiving random messages from he who makes me smile and skeet.

What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

love & basketball? the best man!

and monster-in-law, and other cheesy shit.

Yeah that sums it all up pretty well.

Who do you have texts from in your inbox?

oh lord; marcus, gerald, danielle, kayla, cazre, bubby, kota, ref, greg, katya, dee (=, mommy, some random guy named dave, jamie, will, & alle baba

oh lord. jamie, kayla, danielle, bubby, shaneekwa, davion, mama, rolo, dee, seon, kota, lu alerts (=, toya, devante. mind you i dont txt, so they all old as shit

ew katya. ew REF! ew DAVION! omggg ew lol but um:  bam, seon, cazre, steve, liz, dee, gregorium, demetria, coot, glen coco, gianya, twitair, rico suave, self, best friend joe, nosebleed mcgee, rachel, sprint, alle baba, gerald, jared the fatty, rolo, mama, and big bertha

Are you one of those twilight crazy people?

the books are not worth the hoopla.

no thanks.

nope

When's the last time you said you were fine, but really weren't?

uh...as long as i'm living, i'm fine. (:

yep. living & healthy.

Wow I’ve had that philosophy for a while now

Last person you told a secret?

gerald doesn't let me have secrets.

damn it sounded like he owned me. sheesh but yeah i still don't have secrets.

ditto. I always confide in someone rather quickly.

Who was the last person you were in a car with?

siSTAR & mama.

yep [:

pops

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?

um, you look at the phone & say nigga please!

it's a bad time. lol it's alwaaaays a bad time nugga!

hay

Red Bull?

nah.

nah?

I guess

Is there someone you'd really like to just hang out with and talk about stuff?

emmm?

taylor! and steve? yeah steve too.

aw I still feel the same. but right now, big bertha because she is going to korea for the rest of ever ): also gregorium, alle baba, cazre, all my friends?

Think back to June 2007, were you single?

hmmm..nope.

....

I’m glad I remembered the first time around bc I sure don’t now.

Do you want to get married and have children one day?

[:

child(ren) definitely. marriage: if it's for me, yes.

ditto

Could you cry right now?

nah.

i'm sure if i forced myself

I don’t think so. Not unless a monster came into my room

Will you be single over summer?

no.

oh summer how i miss you so. not really, just....ahhh.

lol no (:

Do you hope your children are like you one day?

no! lmao. kinda.

haha yes & no. i want them to grow up fast like i did, but love their childhood like i never really could, for as long as i should have anyways.

Well that explains why I’m still holding on to childhood, doesn’t it. And I rather they have different personalities but the same logic.  Why would you want the same contribution to society two generations in a row?

Have you ever dropped your cell phone in water?

not this one, my last one.

Lalalalala

at some point yes

Would you be surprised if you parents had another baby together?

hell yes.

mmhm.

HAHA I seriously wouldn’t think it was my pops. Or my mama’s lol.  But if we’re speaking biological parents, hell yes.

Has 2009 been good for you so far?

it's been a learning experience.

so-so

2010 has been rocky, thanks for asking

Your sister tells you she's in jail, what do you say?

it's because of nicholas isn't it.

same thing

HA yeah.

Someone leaves a note and flowers on your car, cute or tacky?

i don't own a car. d:

rawr rawr rawr

still a bum

Would you ever date someone who was conceited?

hell no.

no thank you

not exactly.

Are you currently reading a book?

yes. a couple thousand.

no )':

YES and no wonder I was miserable at that time

Would you cry if you found out one of your friends were pregnant?

no...

maybe, because of being so emotional.

If she told me face to face.

Today, would you rather go forward a week or back a week?

forward?

yeah probably forward.

Forward!

Your best friend randomly starts hating you. What do you do?

say i never knew you could be so dumb.

word.

heck yes. and tell greg on them.

Would you ever go on a game show if you were offered?

no i'd be scared as shit!

yes! lol idk why i'd be scared

yes! monay!

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking weed?

haha, yes.

watch me!

still walkin strong

Where is the person who has your heart at the moment?

work.

*checks for heartbeat

yeah it's still inside of me.

lol I was a funny lad. he’s home.

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?

idk maybe.

maybe?

Isn’t that just the way things go?

Do you laugh a lot?

yes people tell me that a lot.

yes but it's quiet actually.

YEAH, love to

Who are you spending your summer with this year?

people.

most likely mr. clark lol.

that didn’t happen ): but books, my laptop, music, people I love & vice versa, and movies and tyra. hoorah!

Do you believe in karma?

yes..

yes still.

fate.

Did you have a good birthday this year?

uhhhh

last year was so joyful

my sweet 16 was soooo much better than yours, fareals.

Do you think somebody likes the same person you do?

do you mean is a hoe trying to creep on my man? yes.

hell yes!

HA duh, how can you not?  And nobody was checkin for gerald, lol.

Are you a boy or a girl?

lmao, fem.

*checks for weiner

girl!

i’m a season..

Last time you held a baby?

a week & some change ago.

sunday.....same baby lol

aw she’s 1 years old now (= but last time I held a baby was my niece on saturday and she’s a newborn.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

bloomingdales i think.

gap. 2 for $10 tanks wooot!

not sure if I’m wearing a shirt.

Are you a jealous person?

no, possessive of what is mine.

i get very greedy about my friends, yes.

I agree with female number 1.

Is there anything that you are craving right now?

yes (:

ice cream that i have not opened.

a nice sleep and he.

Do you like being kissed spontaneously or asked?

hahaha spontaneity.

yes

yass you better work!

Has anything happened to you in the past month that made you really mad?

errrrm yes

people kept telling me to go to the nurse & the nurse was rude and mean.

I haven’t seen the people I’d like to, and one of them is now in cali. Another is in korea. & I know the reasons I haven’t seen people are my fault.

Enjoyed?

Me & Las Chiquitas

No, that's not a bosom.  I don't even know what a bosom looks like; I've never seen one on my own body lol.

I think they are adorable together.  I love my attractiveful family (=

This was my Thanksgivingggg!

Dont say shit, I know I'm late.

Don't my family got some pretty babies?  I know.

They grow up so fast.  This is he a year ago:

Fleece Vests & Long Underwear

My stister & I were recreating this commercial that we heard on the radio.  It's filarious and we hear it a lot so we always recite the words..it's like re-doing that nelly song hot in herre.  Anyways, I was trying to do the guy's voice but he's way low.  It was tough and I was concentrating really hard but my stister had to direct me and I'm really giggly.  (=

When I was 15,

I got my first Victoria's Secret bra.

I started to blog regularly.

I made friends on the interweb.

I got on honor roll for the first time in high school.

I got my first C.

I became comfortable. [:

I did not drink alcohol.

I fell in and out of love.

I learned everything else about HTML codes.

I became obsessed with finding unknown artists.

I got 4 followers.  (:

I tried the vertical 69.

I got to know my hair completely.

I began having headaches from sex deprivation.

I controlled my addictions.
I made my sister my responsibility.
I found a mother in Danielle.
I began having 100% healthy relationships.
I always wanted to be held.
I'm not 15 anymore.

Ma.

I just cannot comprehend that I haven't spoken to you in so many years. We were great friends; I only am saddened now that you cant see who I'm growing to be, and who I'm growing up not to be. Guess what? Bubby's a mom. Yeah I know. It's the weirdest thing. Her kids are cool, one is a week old! Oh wait, she's married too!! I know, and it's a white dude too. Gotta love her lol. (: I know you would have lots to say about him…he's cool though he's very respectful being from Florida and everything. He's got some tattoos like bubby, so when Oscar, her son, was born, I was saying how he was gonna paint all over his body to be like his parents lol. Especially his back, because of that monstrosity, as you and mommy called it, she has on her back lol. We're used to it now, when her back is out and everything. It wasn't as weird seeing her pregnant, just now saying that she has 2 children O= and simply that she is a mother. Everything is happening and I wish you were here to argue with her about mothering and everything. It would be beautiful. I just really like how ever since you left, her and mommy talk every day. That's so cute, even though mommy complains. She complains about everything god. I been slipping in school, but we won't talk about that…if you were here it wouldn't be happening! Yeah. Sorry I had to go there lololol. <3 okay what else. We have a mixed president. Okay so you would never say that, you would just be hollerin BLACK I know. But yeah, he's mixed, just like Bubby's babies lol. It's pretty cool I must admit. But don't feel bad & stuff, trust that aunt Maxine repped him enough for you and she both. You should have seen her. Last summer I helped her register voters, she was all proud of me being able to speak a Spanish to the Hispanic citizens, and I'm so sure that that was you. I feel closest to you when people come to me for help…questions, advice, to talk at any hour, just all that. Because I know that's just what you were to so many people…I realized that when all them black folk showed at the funeral. All these people I didn't even know. And I thought I knew so many of your friends…at least 50 of them I had met…and then their families on top of that..Ma you're crazy. I plan on being just like you. So back to your grandbabies. I miss that. How I was your first granddaughter, even though you wanted to choke mommy for having me, and I was so much to you. Your pride and joy, more than I am mommy's today. You told everyone about what I was doing now, my latest report card, something I'd said. It was always about how smart your mallywitz was. I miss it so much. I get so lonely ma and I just wanna call you. I need it. I wish you could see Oscar. You guys would be enemies at first, but then you would hit it off I know it. Kinda like what you and kota almost had. I feel so sorry that she never fully got to know you, and you just thought she was a spoiled brat. I agree. (: I love you ma. Nobody hugs me as tight as you did. I miss you so much. Wait wait. Love you too much two touch kiss it ma. (= im gonna teach Oscar that this summer. Hes gotta know. And two touch too. (= I miss that so much. We're holding up okay though, except for mommy. Its so many things she wants to do, but she has so much grief holding her back. She wont talk to anybody about it and I know its just holding her back. And I hate that you would be the only person who she could listen to...oh man idk if I wanna talk about Grandma and everything…since granddad died, she was just pretty empty. And then she was diagnosed with dementia…and now shes gone. She's still here of course…but ma she says the most out of this world things. It scares me. And she isn't fully herself. Mommy and bubby will just rejoice when she is kinda there, but I cant take that…its only watching her leave us, in my eyes. And man that hurts bad. She's sitting right there in the room, and her soul, her drive have left us. She's not there and there's nothing I can do; it hurts. She talks about you sometimes, but only that you d*ed. And pop pop too. His death wasn't as hard for me, since he was only out of prison almost 2 months before he d*ed. But I did love having him back. I miss him asking me had I been watching the history channel, him stuttering, him asking about school. NOW that they decided to tell me all his troubles, I know I could have had so many things to discuss with him. What else. I have a boyfriend. He helps me cope with the hole you left, but he doesn't know that. Just that he's always there and he loves me unconditionally, and when he hugs me its like he won't let go until im okay. It's not as tight though (= that's for you. But I really love him. I think I would have loved to be with you both all the time. I think you would like hearing about him. Just not some things. (= but don't worry because I'm smart, I promise. I'm doing okay, I'm growing a lot ma. I miss your voice so much. Right after you d*ed, I remember everybody talking about calling your house, and your voice was still on the machine and it hurt them. I would look at your number WHICH I STILL REMEMBER BY HEART on my phone and think about calling, say I was going to do it. But I never got the courage, until it was disconnected. I cried…I wanted to hear you so badly. I remember when I was in costa rica with rolo, and I was talking to you and mommy on 3 way and I had just seen this spooky movie that I shouldn't have seen and you were asking how was I how was costa rica and everything. (mommy really wishes she could have brought you one day, and she gets sad when we go to pretty places) and I was talking all dead-ish sounding, completely uninterested. And you said how I must not have wanted to talk or something commenting on me not wanting to talk to you. I'll always remember. I'm so sorry. I was scared, ma. What else. Oh soul man. I think he's either dead or doing drugs now. He gave mommy and bubby so much grief about it all after you d*ed. I'm sorry ma, please forgive me, but he sucks. All that that he put mommy through, I wanted to punch him. Oh uncle Malcolm gave her some annoyance too, but that's non of my business. Oh yeah, I was saying to myself once, that I know you would have made EVERY SINGLE 18+ person you KNEW up in bedstuy (which is everyone in bedstuy) register to vote. (= I know. So, ma. I hope you are having just the best time ever wherever you are. And thank you for coming around every once in a while when I need you. Thank you so much ma for everything since before I was born. I'm taking piano now too! We haven't gotten to karate yet…slap mommy into some sense if you really want it done..i know you're throwing the best parties wherever you are. I hope you met james brown and tell him I love him! & long live the godfather. And I hope you get to see Michael Jackson too. Idk if you'll see any of these people, but still. Tell him he is not alone. Don't be hard ma, he's a tainted man. You know that was mommy's boyfriend. Lololol, yeah everyday since that Thursday now, she blasts Michael jackson for at least an hour. Idk why she didn't have off the wall. I did. But she just got hers in the mail. She bout the wiz on dvd. My vhs of it is still at Grandma's house. So I was really mad when they didn't get my dress up clothes from your house!!!! Like really, I could've played with kota, or now baby cyra. Isn't it crazy that we have a boy now too??? Like its so weird. I knew he was gonna be a boy though. I think I'll always be closer to him. Don't tell bubby that though…but yeah, they don't even make dress up clothes like that anymore tsk tsk. I LOVED mine. I have a picture of michelle and I wearing them at your house though, it makes me so happy all the time. I LOVE the pictures of us all with you in florida. And that one with just me and you in the Jacuzzi. Ma you were definitely my best friend in childhood. Im sorry we don't talk more. But I always have moments wanting to talk to you about something, or tell you something. I would've spent entire summers with you now ma. I miss your cooking!!! Even though…yeah. But I do! & I haven't even HAD creamed corn because it will never be like yours. I miss you so much ma I couldn't even explain it. I miss your blasting OOOOLD music around the house, telling me stories relating to each song! Your house was my favorite place ever. I just want you to know I kept your belief alive and I was NOT in favor of them selling it..but you know. Wasn't my decision. I love you ma. Love you too much, two touch, kiss it MAAAA! :D

 

Mallywitz

 

& even though I might invite auntie Gloria and aunt max in the position where you would have been, I'll never try to replace you or think about it. You are an angel…there will never be another you. Just had to make sure you wouldn't get all jealous like you do! Oops, I didn't say that. (:

*rickjamesbeatrickjamesbeatrickjamesbeat*

I wish Twitter searches didn’t exist.  It’s so easy to find me.  Therefore I’m taking a break from it.  There’s more to it but the facts make me gag.  Ugh.  Nap, then hw.  MY BRO-HAM IS HEREEEE!  So flippin excited as you can see he makes me so happy.  This font is soo suspicious.  <3  I got my phoneeee yippee!  Have a feeling I will be keeping it longer in the future if not now.  [:

“I’m high.  Hiiigh off your loooove.”

-Rick James