“Mejor sola que mal acompañada” –Veronica Chambers

She's a children's author and I agree with that so much. You are better off alone that badly accompanied.

Now that I sorrowfully look back on the times of our relationship, I can also see how I'm benefitting from being freed of it. You were definitely an amazing friend. You always wanted to know what was going on in my life, and you wanted to be a big part of it. It was beautiful that we survived together in so many rough spots, with you being shot and us getting through it supporting each other, when you know what happened with your dad and we got through it supporting each other, and all of the family-related hate and difficulties I went through and us getting through that supporting each other. You were a great person and a reliable friend. I think when you mature more as far as being a boyfriend and rising in all of the expectations and heavy responsibilities, you'll be a great partner. I will definitely miss having you in my life, but I think the position of a boyfriend can be filled again…maybe even better than it was with you. I do have faith. But when I was with you, I was always worried. I was constantly thinking you were gonna break up with me, and especially when you went away, I thought I could lose you to an irrelevant biddie. I was very scared of life without you, like when you had that one tantrum and wouldn't talk to me and I had a nervous breakdown. You were such an importance to me that I couldn't go a week without hearing from you. Idk if I could do it now, even. It was a lot of stress to be with you because the better you became at what you did, the more I knew I would be unstable and lose my mind if I lost you. So after I get over you, it will be beneficial to lose all that stress.

Now. I lose people all the time and it's just a part of life that I've gone through many times already. It takes some time to stop being constantly gloomy over losing someone, but you can never get over losing a unique someone that was close to you for a long time. But I will get over you as a person..to love again. What will hurt me eternally is that you hurt me. I relied on you so much and I cared for you greatly. I thought you felt the same way about me, but if you went flirting with a baboon-faced chick then obviously you did not care about my feelings. You directly broke my heart. I cried to you about how I was worried about this exact shit happening. And you assured me that I didn't have to worry about any girl taking you away from me. Dick. And the fact that you won't apologize. What is wrong with you? I never was unfaithful. That's one thing that I will not stand for in a relationship. You basically asked me to break up with you by doing that. But we were so deep in our relationship..how can you go hurt me like that? And when you have a chance to maybe redeem a small part of yourself and man up to your mistake, you won't even do it. Pussy. Grow up and lose your pride when you know you're in the wrong.

I really want to thank you for introducing me to being in love and teaching me that love can happen. When we first started talking, I did not want a man nor did I see marriage in my future. But you showed me the beauty of love & being in love and I cherish that now. Thanks. I felt like Brandy's Love in on My Side when I was with you. But apparently, I didn't have you.

It's quite grimey that I'm gonna talk about a new guy in this same post, but frankly, I don't give a shit. He's so delicious looking. Okay; I'ma focus. I've known him for almost a year though. He's old but I've probably had more mature experiences than he has. We can relate on a lot of different levels because he has a good work ethic like I used to, but we both complain about work. He's always been there for me and he cares about me. He likes to see me happy. I used to like him, but we drifted apart on that level and moved to other people. But that was most likely my fault. Something I like about him a lot is that he's a virgin. But I hate it too. I feel like I can be fresh and new with him because I want to start treating sex differently. I don't wanna give it away willy nilly. I never have, but I'm starting to think I've given it away to 2 too many guys. But sometimes I feel like I can't be as sexual with him because he won't understand? He's not as sexual as me. Anyways, i'm not in a relationship or anything yet. We're just talking like we always have. Ugh, I miss being with someone. But the love was stress. I don't miss being that deep…unless I listen to music because I get like "Omg, I had that." D=

But oooh he is scrumptious. He has a tight body but then he's so fine and he don't even know it. & how he licks his lips. I have to look away. (:

I'm surely putting my guard back up though. It was down with Gerald, but again, I'm not trying to go fall in love again. Whatever happens...there's no reason for me to have my heart on my sleeve now. I waited with him and it was good so if anything good is to happen to me again, I'ma surely protect my heart until I can trust whoever.



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