I hit rock bottom today.

I have had many life-changing experiences in my life that have shaped who I am today. Experiences that typically, 20, 30, even 40-year-olds have. They've had a positive effect and the effects were a product of enjoyable causes. Basically, I've learned things that have made me better in relatively easy ways. I have figured myself out the easy way; that's just how it has happened. I'm used to these experiences by now because they've been happening since I was about 5. Since I was 11, I've had to grow up really quickly and take on responsibilities that really, I should not have. Since December, I have been going through a progressive depression, caused primarily by my sudden loss of work ethic. I have not been living...I've been going through the motions of life and figuratively failing in school. I have put in minimal effort, which to me, means I'm failing; putting in no effort. It's the first time that I've had such a depressing thing happen to me where it takes me so long to get to the bright side. If I don't give it my all, I haven't given anything: that's how it is in my head. Ricky Bobby once said "If you ain't first, you're last." That's always how I go about things, but it's a personal battle. If I don't give it my all with school, it's equivalent to getting all Fs. At the most, I expect 3 Cs on my report card, and I will never let something like that happen again. It's shameful to myself, and when others start to get involved, it is unbearable. I needed to again realize how top priority school is. I cannot wait until September.



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