That just happens to be the song my brain enjoys today even though I don’t like how Wayne is always repping blood when he was in that documentary about crips and bloods talking about how the gang life is crazy and it needs to come to a peaceful end and such…like wtf nigga. Anywhom, I was like just reading my first few blogs and shit. And omg im like such a little freshman at some times. Like when I feel like I’m talking to the world, I sound really stupid and stuff. You know how everyone goes through a phase just figuring out who he or she is. Well mine was long over, even when I was writing them shits. It’s like when a rapper sounds super immature on they 1st album, and then they sound so much more professional and clear on their latest shit. Like Jay’s Reasonable Doubt, and now his American Gangster. Those songs? Omg, soooo mature and grown-man-shit. You wouldn’t even know by the tones of the 2 CDs that they are by the same dude. But after you figure out who you are and what you’re about, it takes like a minute to present that to people, change from your old presentation, recognize that you have to change it, and figure out how to present yourself now. I was still in that and reading from my old voice, I sound like the freshman that I make fun of. And that’s not me lol. I’m just not that person. Idk how to sum up my persona, except by saying that I do everything that I do for my personal satisfaction. When I do service or help people or even go to work, it’s because I want to feel the satisfaction of giving to another person. And if I was like a sociologist (like Alicia in the future) I would propose a theory that this concept is true for all humans, but I won’t get into that. When I break rules, it’s because duh yes I do understand the consequences, but I plan on killing myself before then lol no but I want to do what I want to do, so I’m doing it regardless. & everything with me works the same way. I do my geometry hw because I like having it done when class starts. That’s with all my homework. I work for grades because I like the honor roll letters. And pretty report cards. (= It’s not for anybody else. The only exception is when I don’t feel like going through life anymore, and I get up in the morning so my baby will be proud of me. (:
Hahaha Liz asked me today if I had seen Friday (the movie) and I was like “Le duh have you seen my skin?” lol it was soo funny.
I fucking love this song and yes I am fully aware that something is wrong with me. Many things. Anyways, he’s like all about telling girl to play with herself while he’s just sitting there--“ima put some dick in your world” Okay is this whole concept/song the sexiest thing ever or is this whole concept/song the sexiest thing ever? If I was the victim of this I would definitely had came about 9834723427 times. And girls…it’s harder for girls to orgasm off of non-intercouse or oral activities. I like hate masturbation. You wouldn’t think so if you knew my habits lol but I only do it when my body screams at me. And I happen to me a sex feen. I wish I knew how to spell that. And then dick too? Omfg. It’s on repeat. Please and thank you.
My boobies are über sore grrrrr
Something else I wanted to get out, was like the image of 13-16 year olds from Brooklyn. (this is before you know we have babies) It really annoys me sometimes. All of us are supposed to look scarred-up, short ass paintbrush pony tails to the side it has to be to the side because that is ghetto fab, get straight Fs and Ds (our MAMA SINCE WE HAVE NO DADDY get excited when we pass), be Louis-ed down, Gucci-ed down, Juicy-ed down, wear tight tight tight shirts tucked into our skin-tight jeans (now skinny jeans are in the hood) that are in our airjordans/nikedunks at the bottoms, have boyfriends that are potheads that don’t understand what respect, life goals, or sense are, OH get our nails done every other week with the gaudiest shit in that joint, disrespect our mama who doesn’t even bother disciplining us anymore, never have cracked a book yet know every last video up on 106 & Park, and of course, never ever suck dick since that’s disrespect to the female BUT YOU BITCHES CAN’T EVEN SHOW RESPECT FOR YOURSELF, but lose your virginity by 12 not even understanding your body. And yeah I realized I switched from saying “us” to “you all.” AND OMG NIGGAS SHUT UP THE GOVERNMENT DIDN’T MAKE GANGSTA RAP, AIDS, OR BLACK STEREOTYPES TO TURN US AGAINST EACH OTHER OR ANYTHING. THESE FUCKING THEORIES EXIST BECAUSE WE AS A GENERAL PEOPLE ARE JUST SO DAMN IGNORANT AND KEEP BLAMING SHIT ON OTHERS. TRY EDUCATING YOURSELF AND LIKE THE STUPID STEREOTYPES WILL SURELY GO AWAY. Okay so now, let’s talk about me and how I fit perfectly. Everybody who knows me knows that I don’t want to have babies anytime soon like not even while I’m in college probably. But my whole thing is, I’ll worry about it when the time comes. Idk why I should know now. Therefore it doesn’t even bother me that I’m not sure about it. I have enough decisions to make to GET to that stage in my life already. Okay next, yes I have been in fights but not nearly as many as I “should have” been in, and I have no scars. I can’t find one and I never have. I wear my hair to the side by accident from time to time. I’ll try to put it in the middle and it will end up on the right, it’s always the right. But also, OMFG! me and my mama have the thickest longest hair ever it is so strenuous to take care of but anywhom, my hair goes down past my shoulders when it is straight and when my fro is present, omg you don’t even wanna feel it, you will pretty much lose your hand in there lol that’s what she said. I have never gotten an F, nor a D. School is my major responsibility right now so I try really hard at it…I haven’t talked to my biological father in a year or so and I’ve seen him a total of less than 10 times my whole life, of which encounters I only remember one, 2 years ago. But I do have a father. My step-dad is an amazing man like really I cannot see myself entering a relationship and taking responsibility for raising & providing for a child too. It’s just a lot of energy that I wouldn’t care to have...now anyway. But yeah, he took that on and he made a relationship with me too. Next, in all, I have about 10 designer objects total lol. This includes my Juicy charm bracelet, 2 pairs of Coach sneakers, Coach purse, Coach rain boots, and a few Juicy t-shirts. ALL OF THESE WERE GIFTS lol…that is all, really. The whole how BK girls wear clothes, I duh have and wear tight shirts and tight skinny jeans, but I have never been comfortable tucking my shirt in, and then you know the whole tight belt squeezing my tummy thing. Just not for me; and I’m not gonna do it because I am “supposed to.” I don’t own any Air Jordans or Nike Dunks. The closest I will ever come are buying some Air Yeezys and if I go into sneakers then this will never ever ever end.
My boyfriend is extremely respectful and he would never allow himself to be anything less. He has goals for his life that are actually realistic and decent, he has a hell of a lot of sense he actually teaches me things, and he does not smoke. I mean come on, he’s my boyfriend lol. This is expected. I’ve gotten my nails done 4 times before lol. Yes first time was when I was 5 with a design, but it was my mama’s wedding lol and I only had this little tropical tree on my thumbs. I have never gotten fake nails put on, and every other time was with solid colored polish or Minx. I respect my mother just sometimes I don’t listen to the genuinely pointless things she tells me to do solely to exercise her power. & she does still discipline because she thinks I need it. The whole mother thing is for another blogging night lol. I read alllll the time I read everyday, and I read countless assignments every week for school. I watch 106 & Park like 7 times a year lol. (Jump Start on VH1 is where its attttt!) I suck dick and I do it well lol and I do it again, for me. Not to mention that I respect myself so much more than the average teenage girl and everyone around me knows it. So they respect me too. You are damn skippy I lost v-card at 12 but I think I posted a blog earlier on that everything in life has happened to me faster than anything I have ever heard of. I was so in touch with my body by then, and I knew already how to satisfy myself sexually. I added someone else into the mix, and it just happened to be the wrong person. He had been there for so long that I didn’t question if he was the right person to do it with. That was my mistake. & making sure that he was ready for it lol, that too. But having sex, as far as for me, that was not a mistake.
This is sooooo about the black teenaged girl who told her boyfriend she is pregnant so you best believe that nigga jetted.
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